Archive for the 'Dating' Category

Oct 03 2008

Posted by Mama under Dating, Food, Parents & Children, Relationships

Pre-Med? No, Pre-Mother-in-Law

I can’t go folk dancing Friday because we are vetting Flora’s new boyfriend. If he survives, we are vetting him Saturday, too. (That will be after his first rock-climbing adventure.) This relationship is looking serious, and we are taking full advantage of his being here to check him out. My responsibility involves food. Waples eat - they eat a lot. So I am approaching this momentous task with all the gravitas it deserves. The first item on my agenda is establishing the menu, and to give you an idea of what I’m going through I’d like to provide an actual conversation–verbatim. As the curtain rises, the conversation between mother and daughter has been in progress for a couple of days. There they are, sitting in the morning room drinking tea, a fire buring merrily in the grate. Oh, no, wait-that has been over for 200 hundred years. They are each hunched over a laptop IMing each other:

Jeanne:

Does he eat sausage? White beans? Pumpkin soup?

Flora:

 Yes, no, and no

Jeanne:

Does he eat chili?

Flora:

We already have our meals planed: stroganoff and the one I can’t spell.

Jeanne:

Maybe, maybe not -  anyway, what’s this ‘we’, missy??? I might want to do something on Saturday.

Flora:

….and that “something” is going to be cooking dinner for your daughter and potential son-in-law!

Jeanne:

Yes. Maybe ’something else’, too. Aren’t you the proponent of multitasking???

Flora:

Not when it is the person in charge of my food!

Jeanne:

We’re getting off topic here. What about chili (and biscuits and gingerbread)?

Flora:

That sounds good, but what about stroganoff and the fried stuff?

Jeanne:

I’m speaking hypothetically here. ‘Chili might mean ‘beef stroganoff’, or it might mean ‘cheerios’.

Flora:

LOL! Pause Really? Longer pause Wow…Much longer pause.

Jeanne (caving):

Bagna caulda is on for Friday.

Flora:

Okay… Yes ma’am! Friday it is. Gotta go to hospital now - talk later?

Jeanne:

Great. I’ll be slaving away in preparation.

Flora:

I should hope so!

 

Why am I expending so much effort on this? Because it is my first midterm in pre-Mother-in-Law. I can tell that this one is important.  It isn’t because she cooks for him in spite of her hospital work-load. It isn’t because she lets him spend money on her. And it certainly isn’t because she is bringing him home this weekend. No, it’s because she is taking him rock climbing. You may well wonder when climbing became a test of true love. All I can say is that we have an unusually family.

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Aug 22 2008

Posted by Mama under Dating, Middle Age, Relationships

Time To Grow Up – The Ultimate Midlife Crisis

two of the crumbgobblers viewing photos of me when I was young.

Two of the crumbgobblers viewing photos of my brothers and me when we were young.
My rotten kid just kicked me out of the nest. I thought that it was supposed to work the other way round. How did this disgusting state of affairs come about? I’ll tell you how. It all started as a result of a few days in the Bahamas. My daughter wanted to go to Las Vegas to see the shows, and I wanted to hike in Utah, so naturally, we went to Freeport. It was the obvious compromise. Whether or not we liked it (we didn’t) or had a good time (we did) is neither here nor there. The point is that she asked me to write an entry about our vacation for her blog. I did so, and it was wildly (I mean WILDLY) acclaimed. Well, ok, so there were three comments, but even Tolstoy had to start somewhere. Besides, they constituted a sample and were representative of the views of many more visitors. So one thing led to another, and another, and another, and the next thing I knew, Shanel started making noises about the importance of ‘independence’ and ‘the rewards of personal growth’. I ignored her. I also ignored my son when he refused to give me driving directions, “…because you need to learn how to get around, mom. Just exactly HOW long have you been living here???” And I ignored Flora when she said that it was time for me to take an interest in my finances and that she would be thrilled to discuss them with me. Dominique agreed with Flora that it is time that I started to act my age

The four of them have joined forces to kick me out. My claws are dug into the rim, and I’m clinging to the edge with all the tenacity a desperate 59-year old can muster, but they are stomping on my philangies, uttering the universal cries of offspring everywhere: “It’s for your own good!” And “This hurts me more than it does you!” Right. They claim that I said these very words to them, at one time or another, but I’m pretty sure that I did not…

Nevertheless, I’m letting go and trying to fly. Getting lost in town, but not in the woods, thank you very much, re-entering the absolutely terrifying world of dating (So you think that men are friendly creatures, or at least benign? Well, think again. I just hope that I survive on any given day.), and writing a blog of my very own. You know the ancient Chinese curse? ‘May you live in interesting times’? Well, I am, and at the moment the times they seem to be achangin’ way too quickly. Flora (daughter 2 of 3) said something today that puts it all in perspective, though: ‘If all you ever do is what you’ve already done, then all you’ll ever get is what you’ve already got.’ So I’m sailing blindfolded toward the rapids, no oars, no sail, no life vest, and I don’t know if I could go back now, even if I wanted to. It’s scary as all get out, but it is sure as heck beats sitting around being bored, right??? :> RIGHT!

   
 

 

 

        Above: DoFlo in France.  Below: Photo of the elusive tree-hugging Rat, aka Shanel.

Above: DoFlo in France. Right: Photo of the elusive tree-hugging Rat, aka Shanel.

  

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Aug 09 2008

Posted by Mama under Dating, Dieting, Relationships

Time and Tide Wait For No Man; and Baby, My Time Is Up

 

Shanel thinks she’s fat; I think I’m fat. For that matter, nearly every woman I know thinks she’s fat. Now comes the latest news on the diet front from the New York Times: “In a tightly controlled dieting experiment, obese people lost an average of just 6 to 10 pounds over two years.”

(<www.nytimes.com/2008/07/17/health/nutrition/17diets.html>) Now to be fair, the article does go on to say that even modest loses such as these have long-term health benefits, but gee whiz! Even though I have (ample) evidence to the contrary, I still had hopes for dropping 10 to 15 by tomorrow, and I have clothes in my closet to prove it!!!!

 

It makes very good evolutionary sense for those extra pounds to stick like glue, of course, but that doesn’t improve my disposition. The fact that my existence is probably due to my ancestors’ ability to make the most of every calorie does not compensate for the fact that I cannot expect a metamorphosis into today’s ideal of feminine beauty. Reminding myself that only 1,000 years ago, women in France wore bands around their necks to encourage that attractive double chin does no good at all.

 

I talk a good game – I say that what I’m really interested in is good health, and the ability to enjoy the things I want to do, but it’s a bald-faced lie. What I really want is to be attractive. Really attractive. Really, Really, Really attractive. I somehow believe that if I were a 10 (a 9 ½ probably wouldn’t cut it), all my faults would disappear. Nearly 60 years old, and I still subscribe to that fallacy.

 

Unfortunately, I think that a good deal of this is hard-wired – men are from Mars, women are from

Venus; men are judged on success, women are judged on attractiveness. This also makes very good sense from an evolutionary standpoint. A powerful, successful man can protect and provide for a woman’s offspring, and an attractive woman (i.e., someone who is young and fertile) can produce them.

 

If I were 10 pounds thinner, would I have more first dates? Probably. More second dates? I expect so. A better chance at a long-term, healthy relationship? I’m not so sure about that.

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