Oct 16 2008
My Ride
I’m driving a dark-green, stick-shift three-quarter ton Ford pickup with a cracked windshield and 96,000 and change on the odometer. I’m not sure that I am up to the honor. In fact, I’m not sure I’m up to the running board (or where the running board would be, if there were a running board). The reason it’s parked in my space is that it seems that my real car ran off to Montana, and, like many runaways, nearly came to a bad end. My understanding is that it was covered by three feet of snow, and you know how those fairy tales end.
I drive carefully. For one thing, this pickup doesn’t have any pick up. When I stop at a light, the whole thing shakes. I pop it into first, and it growls and sputters into the intersection. Bikes pass us. Joggers pass us.
But I’m ambitious, and I have a plan… I’m going hunting – moose and elk, I think–and DoFlo’s truck is the perfect vehicle. My understanding is that it will make me one of THE PEOPLE. Maybe I can run for vice president.
I haven’t figured out all the details, but I know that I’m not much good with a bow, so I hope I can borrow a friend’s 30-06. Think I’ll do my hunting from the truck. So what if it’s not sporting? I’m not interested in sporting, I’m interested in eating (and politics). Maybe I can rig up some kind of swivel-mount on the hood for the rifle, and I guess it would be a good idea to put a winch on the back to make retrieval easier. Probably better load the bed with a couple of sandbags or a grizzly for ballast, too. With any luck the bear will eat the moose–he’s just for show, anyway–and I won’t have to try to find a way to make moose steaks palatable. (I’ll keep any stray elk I happen to pick up, though).
This is an ambitious program, so I’d better get on it if I expect to get my moose AND get any campaigning done in the next two months. I hope that all of you will vote for me. I’ve got a truck! I know how to hunt! I’ve got what it takes!
